Wednesday, January 10, 2007

And it begins...

As most of you know, I am traveling to Ghana in February for 8 weeks.

I’m excited, afraid and nervous simply because I’m always stressed out about something. I will probably have nightmares before I go. Before I left for Ireland I didn’t sleep for a week. I’m not sure why I can’t relax about it.

AFRICA. I have always been drawn to this continent. Perhaps it is the many mythologies which surround it, the portrayal of this part of the world in the news, or just some innate feeling deep within me. But I've always wanted to go here, and I’m not exactly sure why. I am in love with post-colonial novels, race and gender studies, and am deeply moved by diaspora studies. But all of that goes out the door when you go somewhere to volunteer your time and efforts with people you hope will care for you like you hope to care for them.

The other day, while sitting in the doctor’s office awaiting the first of many immunizations, I noticed a huge map of the world on the wall. I decided I should buy one, put it up on my wall and track where I have travelled thus far. In the past twelve months I will have been outside of Canada for six. A little insane, I am fully aware. But as I looked at a map of the African continent and how huge it is, and how many countries it encompasses, it made me realize how gigantic and unknown the world is to me. There are vast areas of the planet I have never been to and that most people have never even heard of. I feel like people are really scared of “that part of the world” and I hope to dispel any misconceptions while I’m gone.

I am quite the mess of contradictions right now. My sister seemed to understand it perfectly. For Christmas she gave me a subscription to Allure, one of my favourite beauty magazines, and my own copy of Stephen Lewis’ Massey lectures. Finally, someone understands! I know that going from a fashion internship in Toronto to working for an HIV/AIDS organization in Africa is going to be quite the transition. But I also do not feel that my separate and very different interests cannot someday come together into a very fruitful career. Hey, Fashion Cares mixes AIDS and fashion so who says I can’t find something that involves my many passions?

My boyfriend Adam says that I’m trying to cram everything I’ve ever wanted to do (travel Europe, intern at a magazine, volunteer in Africa) into one year. But I have a huge list of things I want to do and while I can do many of them throughout my whole life, I also feel like some are potentially limited to my youth. I keep telling myself that when I go to do my grad studies and finally find that job of my dreams, I am not going to be able to leave it on a whim to backpack for a few weeks. I am so highly motivated I will never walk away from a great opportunity, so I know that I need to take the chances I have at this point.

Whenever I tell people about my little African adventures, everyone feels the need to share their own horror story with me. About how they know someone who got really sick, or how another saw dead bodies strewn in the streets and was almost killed. Interesting, but not necessarily helpful to a girl going alone across the ocean to live there. I just feel like I can’t write off ever going to a whole part of the world because it has problems, and is potentially scary. I am fully aware that Africa as a whole has its issues, I am not living in a dream world by any means. I am also more than a little naïve about perhaps how many problems, or the extent to which I can make any impact. But for me, this trip is partially selfish. Part of me wants to challenge myself, to change my perspective on the things I think are important, and I am cautious to describe my trip as some life-saving mission. I know that I will not go to Ghana and be some sort of saviour. Educating someone on HIV/AIDS or being able to work in a girls school will be far more rewarding for me than it will be for someone there (well I can hope it will make a big impact). When I volunteered in Costa Rica this is what I learned. I will make a small difference, I will share my Canadian culture and any skills that I have, and hopefully I will help someone. They told us when we were in our orientation camp outside San Jose, that we were not here to save anyone. These people did not need us and we are a compliment to their lives, not the be-all, end-all. Perhaps Africa will be different as there is a definitely a bigger need, but I just don’t want to go there with some almighty lifesaving attitude, because I’m not a doctor. (I wish but its not going to happen.) But I will give everything I have to give if the Ghanaians want it!

Blogging for me has always been a little scary- because as much as I want to share my thoughts, I am fully aware of the scrutiny such sharing has. But, I hope that everyone who reads this will gain a little more understanding into who I am and into what I am doing in my trip to Africa. Also, excuse any grammar problems, run-on sentences and general lack of organization. My personal ramblings can be slightly “all over the map” as one might say.

So bear with me, we're in for a bumpy ride I am sure. But I am so excited. I found out my placement with The African Hope Foundation is for sure, and I'm living with the Ghanaian founder and her children. It is sure to be hard, amazing and scary, but I'm trying to get prepared. I'll keep you all updated as much as I can. Ta ta for now!